You know what sucks? I let a girl take me away from my art. It hurts.. It hurts to know that I allowed her to do that. She took away my reason for living and I felt worthless. But It's also amazing to find that I was able to get my reason for living back from a woman. A beautiful woman. She.. Makes me feel normal yet so unique. Like I don't need to strive for perfection. I don't need to starve myself to look amazing because I already look fantastic. I can be myself. I can find myself. I need to search for myself.. And I think she can help me.
She's happy to have her drums and her guitar and not be able to play either one very well.. But she loves to play.. For the sake of playing.. Not for the sake of getting famous or getting known. Just for the love of music and creativity. Music is everything she does. It is her. It makes me happy because it helps me understand her. She's older but her soul and heart are still young. Her soul is still searching for comfort in her life and It comforts me because my soul is doing the same. Though she is a lot more settled than me but It's okay.
If she is not there for love or neverending partnership, I will take comfort knowing she is there to give me guidance and make me feel like a person, a woman, a lover and a fighter. An Artist. A bundle of confused emotions... But a happy bundle none the less.
She makes me realize the stupidity of titles and stereotypes. I am not femme nor am I butch. Neither is she. We look like we are one or the other, but that does not define us.
I cry for happiness. I no longer cry for feeling guilty, ashamed or hurt. My tears fall for my soul's rebirth. My eyes see woman and perfect imperfection. I don't believe man made words could describe all my feelings and thoughts. I now crave a better understanding of myself and of her.
I need to watch some fucking L Word (Totally opposite of everything I was talking about).